SWIIIIIITCH!
On the way home today from a meeting, Idecided to dust off my Jazmine Sullivan CD and sing to my heart’s content–much to the dismay of the other drivers, lol. Anyway, I rekindled my jam she has called “Switch”. Basically in the song Jazzy (yeah we’re that cool so I can call her that, lmao) met this guy and is going on a double date with her bff and his bff. But mid-dinner, she realizes that she likes HIS bff more than her actual date. Hence the lyrics:
I met him at the bookstore
He said he’d like to get to know me just a little more
ask me to dinner
I said i’ll bring my girlfriend
he said thats cool cause he was gonna bring his best friend
but something happened that i wasn’t expectin
his best friend all night had my attention
Knew it was wrong
but I couldn’t help it
and I don’t care
I’m being selfish
Know what i want and i want your best friend
aint gonna front uh uh
i want your best friend
I’ve always thought that song was hella funny, of course not to the people put in that situation. Then I was watching Harlem Heights on BET later on (yes I’m addicted to reality tv, but BET finally did good with this one) and watched last week’s episode when ex-friends Ashley and Brooke were basically put in this same situation with smooth talking Christian. Here’s photographic evidence of Brooke and Christian before their “faded” kiss as they called it. To get you up to speed Christian and Ashley have been on multiple dates and were chilin, and Brooke and Christian have always been “just friends”. Mmm hmm *smirks at pic*.
So after hearing the song and then watching this episode–it got me to thinking, dang how common is it? I’ve never, so far, met someone and then his friend and been like “Shit, I really like the other guy”. But have you? And in Jazmine Sullivan’s song she goes on to basically say you can talk to my friend I don’t care, there’s no attachment—-REALLY NOW?
With the song I was like, Ok this girl is just acting crazy. Then with the same issue on the show now I”m thinking well dang I guess it is rampant. But honestly when you think about it, the pool of available, acceptable and good black men and women is kind of sparse especially for those who are on the upwardly mobile path. Many people don’t want to settle and why try and find someone totally new, when there is someone you might have similar interests with who might be sitting right next to you just now. But that person just so happened to have gone on a few dates with a friend of yours. And although they’re not dating or maybe not serious–what are you to do? I definitely believe in the unspoken rule of “hands off” no matter what.
But as we get older, that seems to take on more amendments like “Well you guys only went on two dates and you said you weren’t interested in him/her”–so is it okay then? I’m just posing these questions, I don’t claim to have the answers myself–because honestly I have no clue myself. I’ve never been in that situation.
you see baby
it really aint a big deal
i mean you a nice guy and all
but…
if i met him when i met you
he probably would a got the phone call
dont make no sense
to leave with the wrong guy
if ya best friend
could be the love of my life
So share V&Mers…..how would you handle that situation if you like your date’s bff? Or if your date told you he/she liked your friend more? LET’S SHARE! 
Tags: relationships, life, Black Men, friends, dating, sneaky, friendship, black women, dating rules
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March 31, 2009 at 12:05 pm
This is where man-training comes in. The team sports concept is definitely at play because guys realize its not a competition, but rather a group effort to reach the “end zone”. If I was messing with a chick, and she liked my friend more – I’d have no problem “taking less snaps”, so my friend can shine. There’s plenty of women out there and I’m sure they’d reciprocate at some point, so we’d both be holding up the Lombardi!
Now if it was a situation where they wanted to seriously date one of my exes, I still would probably be ambivalent, but two things would perplex me:
1.) Why my friend would welcome sloppy seconds
2.) What mindstate is my friend in where he would entertain a “Choosy Susie”?
But just out of respect as men, I hope they would come to me for clearance beforehand.
April 1, 2009 at 8:56 am
I hear you, but I also think there is an inherent difference with how men would handle this situation as opposed to women. Although, I guess in the song Jazmine might be the exception. But yeah it would definitely raise a red flag though if (a) your friend tries to get with someoene you had a “real” long-term relationship with; and (b) it will make you think–so has this person been pining after my boo this whole time?
Things that make you go “hmmmm”.
March 31, 2009 at 1:18 pm
This blog’s great!! Thanks
.
April 1, 2009 at 8:53 am
Hey we appreciate the love.
April 2, 2009 at 11:57 am
Yeah Matt. Thanks for visiting the page homie.
April 2, 2009 at 11:55 am
*flag*
I’m definitely opposed to this. It’s a lost friendship in the making. For me, I know I’m the jealous type. I monitor it well, but, I don’t like people in my business, and I don’t like people on my man (ex or not). And like Mac T said, there ARE plenty of fish in the sea, so can’t you find someone I haven’t already conquered to spend your free time with? Geez.
*penalty on the offense*
But, if my home girl was truly interested in starting a serious relationship with someone from MY past, I would hope she’d have the decency to tell me about it BEFOREHAND, and I’d just have to be a grown A woman and overlook it. It’s some scandalous skeezas out there, but I hope none of them are in my clan and will be upfront. But I have taken note of men’s propensity to overlook this (or pretend to). Which is an interesting study in and of itself. How come the idea of a chick sleeping with someone before you makes you ill, but the idea of your homeboy banging her during and/or afterwards doesn’t seem to phase you?
April 2, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I hear you. It’s definitely true that us as women are territorial creatures. I will not deny that, so that’s why I’m prone to believe mostly that this is more acceptable in the male arena than the female–although I guess Jazmine’s song proves otherwise.
But I do find it interesting as you said that men tend to get all riled up if they learned their girl might have gotten down with someone they either didn’t like or knew before them. But if a friend is trying to holla at chick after the love is gone, they kind of brush it off like “I mean if you like her”.
Things that make you go hmmmm….
I think we need to compile a list of all the things that men/women differ on–especially in terms of what’s acceptable or what’s not acceptable in the eyes of both sexes.