Make your next move your best move…
So uhhh....do you like uhh...wanna have sex and stuff??
Okay fellas, you know the scenario…its 8:15pm on a Friday and you’ve got the phone call from that special young lady you’ve been chopping it up with for the last four weeks. THAT phone call. She says she wants to come over and watch a movie. You’ve been oh so patient. Of course, she’s not gonna come out and say she’s ready of three hours of athletic, furniture shattering sex – she is a lady after all. But there’s a mutual understanding that both of you know damn well there’s no intention to watch Big Momma’s House 2 on this particular night. It’s gonna be the first time and you want to make a good impression to keep her coming back. You shower, clean out the toilet, Febreeze the sheets, stash the copy of Big Butt Brazilian Orgy 3 under the couch. All systems go. Ladies – you scrub the juicebox, put on those hot pair of boy shorts, and cocoa butter up the stretch marks, cause it’s finna go down!
You finally get together and things start off innocent enough. You’re on the couch, the lights are off, maybe there’s an arm around the shoulder, some light flirting and footsie…but then you slip quickly into the awkward moment when both of you are wondering who is going to make to the first move.
Guy: “Damn, I’m ready to beat it up, but I don’t know for certain if she wants it. Don’t want to be too eager, and I might mess up shots at some tang in the future. Plus, one false move and she’ll have a nigga on that Kobe.”
Girl: ”Damn, I am soooo ready to get plowed…but I don’t want him thinking I’m a hoe. What is this nigga waiting on?!? He must got a little dick...”
So what inevitably results is a Cuban Missle Crisis right there in the living room. Alert levels have been raised to Defcon 5, little kids are waiting under their desks with their books on their heads, both sides are ready to push the button…but who’s gonna do it? Eventually, you both stand down and the night ends with a loud yawn on her part and “Its late, I gotta take my grandma to church tomorrow”, even though its Friday, or him initating awkward, rushed foreplay in a last ditch effort, leaving her with a broken bra strap and covered in saliva.
I don’t think there’s any particular method that’s approved and there’s no published “step by step booklet for you to get” (c) Biggie, on making the first move. For a guy, making the first move is like a good crossover, a dope magic trick, or learning the electric slide – you pick up the skills early in the game (if you weren’t constantly fapping during your teenage years like most of us, ahem!) and perfect or improvise as you get more experience. Every guy’s technique is different. Some dudes use the I’m hooking you up approach – “Baby, do you want a massage?“, or The Negotiator – “Let me just put the head in!“. Others just flat out beg. When I’m debriefing one of my friends on situations in which I missed a ride on the Magic V, he just says flatly “You shoulda just pulled your dick out. That’s what I do.”
While the onus of the first move still falls largely on the man, with evolving gender roles, a lane has opened for women to get their pounce on. Of course, most guys would be turned on by an aggressive woman jumping on them and moistening their ear with pornographic whispers as soon as they open the door. However, a lot of this potential behavior is curbed by the whole female stigma about being “easy”.
Plus, there’s so many variables at play which may throw you off your game, male or female. Making the advance at the right time (who wants to have their titties detailed or their hammer grabbed when their dog just died or your team is driving down the field with 15 seconds left?). Or, the person may not be feeling you like that and you don’t want to be another story in the ”Girl…Guess what THIS nigga did!” files. Also, there’s the perpetual game of “relationship chicken”, in which you really don’t want to let the other person to know that you want them because it may pump their head up, make you seem desparate, or give signs of you wanting a relationship when all you wanted was to get your thang wet.
If we lived in a perfect world, things would be like that scene in Brown Sugar where you would just come out and say “Lets have sex now.” But since we don’t live in movies, ladies and gents out there in blogland – how do you do it? How do you make the first move? This year, to keep my game evolving, I’m switching up my technique. I’m just coming out with my elephant briefs on and tell her to watch the trunk go up…it’s a jungle out there.
Tags: First Move, Sex
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August 21, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I’m sure the guys are going to rant on me, but being the shy, non-aggressive woman that I am, I just don’t initiate. And I have had those awkward moments where you’re sitting like 2 feet apart watching tv and each person keeps looking over at the other like, “Dang, when is he/she gonna make a move?” I’m sorry, I’m just not the kind of person to ‘pounce’ on a dude to get the party started. Hey, fault me for that. I mean I could chalk it up to being raised in the south, but I know that’s so not true! HAHA.
But anyway, I say all this to say I don’t knwo what the solution is. I don’t think this will ever really change with time though. You just have to play your cards right, but I think if you’ve been out or dating someone long enough–you will know. Or heck, it might be that first date, who know?
August 21, 2008 at 3:51 pm
my 1 cent is that I will never make the first move to initate especially if we’ve never done the dead. i think if a man has enough game things will happen… but i think you also have to KNOW that the woman is feeling you. i’ve played cinderella many a night where we are sitting there all of a sudden he is trying to lollie me and i am giving the push back straightening out my clothes and saying “i have to get up early in the morning” while shoes are in hand … “no need to walk me to my car” just awkward.. plain old awkward.. men need to brush up on their panty dropping skills. .. lol
August 21, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Its kind of a crapshoot in absolutely knowing what a woman is thinking, especially when you’re trying to tell if she’s feeling you (no panties are a good sign though!). But let me pose this question to the ladies – why would you put yourself in a situation for an intimate encounter to jump off with a dude you weren’t really feeling like that or did you just want to be convinced to do something so you wouldn’t feel as guilty?
August 21, 2008 at 6:36 pm
You know what. This is a great entry. I almost fell out of my chair at a few points with laughter. I don’t know a guy that’s been to the promised warm and moist happy land that hasn’t endured this at least 5-10 times. I’m awful at reading the signs. Other times, I’ve tried to purposely miss them for a multitude of reasons. I have a pretty good sense of humor. Folks like me are good at laughing the panties off…not to say that I have sex or anything. I just like intense cuddles that end with snoring.
August 21, 2008 at 10:02 pm
I had a good and long answer to your question on your response above MT, but I realized as I was writing it that I was about to contradict myself. So I will agree that you never really can tell what a women is thinking, unless she’s half naked or just basically all over you. Many times, we (ME) will wait for the guy to make the first move because that’s just how we are. And sometimes we just don’t really feel like it, but we’ll never say yay or nay. Unfortunately you’ll just have to guess unless she just starts undressing herself, then you’ll have a clear picture.
And SlimJ, you are hilarious. But you know what, comedy will get you far. I mean if someone can make me laugh, that’s good. And I mean laugh with him and not at him, believe me there’s a difference! Haha!
August 22, 2008 at 1:44 am
Great entry! I do think that men are expected to make the first move, but it can be hard to tell how a woman will respond to those moves. depending on the man, and the level of comfort, I see nothing wrong with a woman making the first move, or at least giving the OK signal for man to get the party started. Chances are, he won’t think you’re hoe unless you really are one and have given him (and his friends) reason to believe this. Making the first move isn’t grounds for this classification.
To answer your question, it seems like women have gotten used to men being “in charge” so to speak as it related to initiation of bumping and grinding, etc. As such, by allowing him to make the first move, even after we already decided that we wanted to have sex, we feel less “fast” because “it was his idea”. Plus, we feel all “feminine” as a result of his manly initiation…yet another example of roles we have accepted as men and women.
September 16, 2008 at 10:27 am
funny. i just wrote my account of this today.