D.D.’s Year End Review

It’s crazy to think that 2009 is already coming to a close.  It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating (or lamenting depending on your stance) the induction of Barack Obama as president. What a year it has been and as things are winding down, many of us are focused on spending times with our friends and families.  But lurking in the back of our heads though, is 2009 and 2010 which is swiftly.  I know I am taking inventory of the year behind and deciding if I am where I expected to be at the end of this year.  And also I’m looking towards 2010 and am excited about what lies ahead.  But I thought in celebration of 2010 just weeks away, I thought we should countdown some of the best and worst in the world of celebs for 2009.  I’ve divided these into 3 categories: “Too Much Vodka”, “Day Old Milk” and “Blended to Perfection”.  “Too Much Vodka” is reserved for those that got just a lil’ touch of the crazy in 2009.  For their sake, I’m hoping their bartender(s) were heavy-handed on the liquor so they can blame it on the a a a a alcohol.  “Day Old Milk” is sour and so are these celebs who did something dead wrong.  And “Blended to Perfection” is the award for making a perfect concoction to get ya tipsy off it’s goodness but keep you off the bathroom floor at the end of the night.  Mmm…Perfect.

Too Much Vodka:

R. Kelly – “Number One” worst album of the year
Untitled, the nameless CD and most recent release for Kels, was so bad there was no name to accurately describe it.  The subjects, melodies and beats makes it impossible to differentiate from one track to the next.  With classics like “Banging the Headboard” and “Pregnant”, the tracks aren’t exactly screaming authenticity and creativity.  There is a track called “Be My #2” which is a funky throwback to disco.  But the words?  “Be my number 2 but you’ll never be my number 1.” If that isn’t every girl’s dream, I don’t know what is.  Does there ever come a time that a grown a$$ man can talk about something else besides sex and cheating?

Beyonce – Déjà vu
Sure B has a song called Deju Vu, but why do I feel she’s trying to highlight that sentiment in every new video? The Sngle Ladies video was exciting – 3 beautiful ladies dancing and shaking their @$$ for a full 3:20 minutes.  Impressive.  It even became a phenomenon around the world.  Then came “Diva”….3 beautiful ladies dancing and shaking their @$$…And then “Ego”…3 beautiful ladies dancing….And let’s not forget “Sweet Dreams” where 3 ladies are…well, you get the picture *yawn*  Why dump Kelly and Michelle if you’re just going to get 3 random broads to take their places?  I’m glad Rihanna finally dropped an album so I can see something remotely creative in the pop/R&B diva world.

Ciara and Cassie – Edward Scissorhands strikes again
Pictures say a thousand words.  I just don’t feel you should have to try so hard to be cool and edgy.

           

Kanye West – Needs a “Swift” Kick in the @$$
‘Ye, you couldn’t have found a better venue to voice your opinion than ruining a young artist’s award-winning moment?  Epic Fail.

Day Old Milk:

 
Tiger Woods & Lil Wayne – Freak Responsibly
Both Tiger and Lil’ Wayne should take Wayne’s advice and be ‘always strapped’.  Tiger was hitting chicks raw and bringing that ish home to his wife.  And Lil’ Wayne had Lauren London and Nivea preggers concurrently. *gross*  Now, I’m not here to judge anyone’s actions, but not practicing safe sex is so passé. Stds are real.

Chris Brown – Woosah Brotha
Let’s all learn a lesson from Chris Brown that violence is not the answer.

Keri Hilson – Diva’s Don’t Diss
“Your vision cloudy if you think that you da best/You can dance/she can sing/but need to move it to the le… (Don’t do it to ‘em shawty!)”  So I understand Keri Hilson might be a little sour that she’s been writing songs for R&B singers and not getting the credit.  But going after Beyonce in a diss is NOT the answer.  It was in poor taste and unnecessary.  And if you’re doing it to promote your album, why not use a positive avenue for that?  B, although oversaturated, has a cult following and no one is impressed that you tried to talk ish.  Sit down. Miss DD Baabay.

Blended to Perfection:

 
Maxwell, Whitney Houston, Mike Vick –  Comebaaaaack!

Talk about comebacks.  Maxwell and Whitney Houston dropped great albums.  Maxwell’s had his signature soulful vibe all over it and Whitney’s adult contemporary joint was the story of a woman having faith and overcoming her situation.  And Mike Vick is making the best of his new position with the Eagles.  Do yo thang brotha!

Soultrain Music Awards – Pulled off a Winner (or Two)

I think everyone was a little apprehensive about BET’s 2009 Soultrain Music Awards.  And although they didn’t actually give out many awards to artists, the production was well-done and the performances were overall good.  Terrence Howard and Taraji P. Henson were quite the Oscar-worthy hosts.  The tributes to Charlie Wilson and Chaka Khan were heartfelt and energetic.  And the performances were overall entertaining and good.  I give them an A for effort.

Michael Jackson – Goodbye love

We lost The King of Pop this year.  And it was definitely a sad time for the US.  I definitely tear’ed up when the news was released, and I flat-out cried during his televised memorial service.  But, he left behind a legacy of music, art and charity that may never be surpassed.  And for that, he gets the “Blended to Perfection” award.  And let’s not forget the release of  This Is It, although it was not originally meant for the public.  So, let’s not forget Michael’s legacy and strive to leave behind our own.

How does your 2009 measure up to 2008?  Are you in a better place?  Who are you going to strive to be like in 2010?  And what celebs had the best and worst years in your opinion?

S. O. S. Please Someone Help Me

[Image Source]

HELP!

ME!

Sasha Two Pistol’s insightful post on Michelle Obama kinda got me thinking about men folk and how I judge potential additions to my diverse ever-changing ever-growing manfolio.  I think Sasha’s right, Michelle has been with Barack long before he was Mr. Presidential, and I applaud her for seeing the greater good in the man.  But, then again, Michelle ain’t a dumb broad.  I mean, ya’ll have heard her speak.  So, she said some things people consider unpatriotic – that was a faux pas. And so, she mispronounced Nevada – we all make mistakes.  But, if you listen to her, she’s got some smarts.  And even if you don’t think she’s smart, at least she’s not this chick (cheap shot, sure, but I’m still bitter about her representing the female voter).  But anyways, I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent broad also.  And not unlike Mrs. Obama, I know potential when I see it.  I also know how to weigh my options, not only for diversification of my manfolio but also for picking my number one nicca.

So, for the purposes of this conversation, S. O. S. stands for Significant Other Sudoku.  And I need your help!  I know what you’re thinking, how are we going to help you D. D. if we don’t know what the hell Significant Other Sudoku is.  Well, allow me explain.  I see men something like a sudoku board.  I’m not a big player of the game, but I do know the main premise of the game is finding the right sequence of numbers across each row where you’ve used all the digits 1-9.  And I don’t think that’s much different than characteristics of men.  It’s a sliding scale.  I decide what’s most important to me and then ignore everything else because there hasn’t been a mortal dude put on this Earth that gets straight 9’s.  So, let’s delve a little deeper…

[Image Source]

Face ~ Now, if you get a shallow chick, and you ain’t cute, I suggest you keep on moving.  But most of us, will give up a few points here as long as you are treatin’ us right (which seems to be overrated in the eyes of dudes these days, but that’s a whole other story)

Style ~ Everyone has their own idea of what style is.  I like clean-cut.  Some might like hood attire.  Regardless, a man’s style has to complement the lady’s opinion of what’s “HOT” (c) Paris Hilton

Job ~ No explanation here.  Do you have a steady paycheck homie?

Savvy ~ This category refers to a man’s street smarts and hustler quotient.  What are you doing with your life?   Are you doing it well?  I don’t care if you’re a dealer like Denzel in American Gangsta.  Are you the best dealer on the block?  Because I’m not risking my life for you selling baggies out the back of your trunk.  If you’re corporate…how’s your 401K and investments looking?  What’s your career track?

Character ~ All encompassing idea of being a good dude?  Are you truthful?  How do you treat your family?  Do I think one day you’ll snap and pull a Chris Breezy on me?

Misc. ~ The bucket for all things annoying.  We all have our personality quirks and weird things that a significant other is just going to have to deal with.  Do those annoy the he!! out of me or can I deal with them?

“Skill” ~ Sexual prowess  and skills. Do you get a X or a XXX?

Height ~ Fellas, I hate to break this to you, but height matters.  Just like T&A and a pretty face matter to you.  If a guy doesn’t quite meet your height requirements, meaning I won’t be wearing as many stilettos, he’s gotta be on his game in some other vitally important areas.

Smarts ~ Are you a ignant dumb-dumb?  Definitions may vary here, but overall, do I think you’re smart enough to be with me and impress my people.

Pookie, for instance, not unlike his name would imply, ain’t got no job (2-Job) and Pookie is NOT an upstanding man of the community (3-Character).  But Pookie has dreams (9-Savvy) and bangs your back out on a regular (7-”Skills”).  And Dude 1…Dude 1 is FOINE (9-Face) and dresses like a Calvin Klein model (8-Style).  But is a lame-game in the sack (2-”Skills”).  Or let’s take John.  John has a fantastic job, he’s in place to be VP in a year (9-job) and has a monster sex-game (8-”Skills”).  But you won’t let John around your girlfriends because John ain’t impressing nobody with his unmade bed look (1-Style).  But either way you look at it, you gotta get 45 across.  And if you don’t, you don’t even make the top cut.  If you’re ranking ones all the way across, you’ve probably gone from a *D. N. A. to a D. E. L. E. T. E. D. Buh-Bye.

So, here’s where I need your help.  Tell me V&M…am I shallow?  Am I mean?  Or is this the way everyone “weights” their options.  Maybe your categories are a little different?  From the S. O. S. above, who’s the “man of your dreams”?  Does this translate for men looking for women?  HELP!

*We all know we have one of these programmed into our cells.  They are the ones we only call when all else has failed and we hope they never call us.  Don’t front!

HELP!

ME!

Sasha Two Pistol’s insightful post on Michelle Obama kinda got me thinking about men folk and how I judge potential additions to my diverse ever-changing ever-growing manfolio.  I think Sasha’s right, Michelle has been with Barack long before he was Mr. Presidential, and I applaud her for seeing the greater good in the man.  But, then again, Michelle ain’t a dumb broad.  I mean, ya’ll have heard her speak.  So, she said some things people consider unpatriotic – that was a faux pas. And so, she mispronounced Nevada – brain fart.  But, if you listen to her, she’s got some smarts.  And I consider myself also to be a fairly intelligent person also.  And not unlike Mrs. Obama, I know potential when I see it.  I also know how to weigh my options, not only for diversification of my manfolio but also for picking my number one.

So, for the purposes of this conversation, S. O. S. stands for Significant Other Sudoku.  And I need your help!  I know what you’re thinking, how are we going to help you D. D. if we don’t know what the hell Significant Other Sudoku is.  Well, allow me explain.  I see men something like a sudoku board.  I’m not a big player of the game, but I do know the main premise of the game is finding the right number combinations so all

How Does He Look?

Height

Face

Style

What does he do?

Job

Goals/Future

Savings

Who is he?

Character (honesty, kindness, family relations)

Misc.

Who’s Your Daddy

Skill

Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

Ok, I know it’s been a while, and I apologize. But I felt pulled to write something tonight, FINALLY! So I know like MANY of you all–we all know that Michael Vick has signed a one year deal, plus a one year negotiating deal with the Philadelphia Eagles! Go Vick (and this comes from his least biggest fan-haha)! And I only say Go Vick because: (a) he did his time, (b) he wasn’t cocky about it, he actually was humble and (c) WHAT THE HELL ELSE IS HE GONNA DO?–flip double cheeseburgers at McDonald’s? I think not.

I’ve never been a Mike Vick fan, as a matter of fact I couldn’t stand him as a player, but that’s just my personal preference. But while I didn’t care for him as an athlete, I do believe that he was given quite a raw deal in this whole situation. I mean I love animals I do, except pit bulls, so I am not ashamed to say I could care less what happens to that certain breed of dog. But he definitely got caught up with the wrong people (Ray Ray and nem) and hopefully he learned his lesson.

So now we’ll get to see what kind of impact he’ll be able to make now that he’s back in the NFL and I know ALL EYES will be upon him watching his every move. But luckily he has Tony Dungy who will be there to be like “homie don’t go there”, so he should be okay. And I really do believe he can see now that he can’t trust and run with the same folks he used to before he made it to the NFL.

Let’s just hope he stays away from animals…I’m just saying.

So what’s your opinion? Do you think its fair that he was re-instated to the NFL? Do you feel him having to wait to week 6 to “possibly” play is fair even when he served his two years in prison already? Or do you feel he should be flipping burgers at the local fast food restaurant? Whatever your opinion, let’s hear it–diplomatically, of course.

Whaaaa? Me, judgemental? Naaaaah….

We look at our 44^thPresident of the United States of America, Barack Obama, now and WE KNOW he has it going on! Degrees from Harvard and Columbia don’t hurt any, a stint as an Illinois state senator—oh that’s cool too. But a presidency, oh he’s a bad mutha—shut yo mouth! And who has been there through IT ALL—standing by his side, producing and raising kids together, forging her own magnificent path? None other than his wife, our First Lady: Michelle Obama.

However when you think back, Michelle has been with Barack BEFOREany of the notoriety, money and accolades. Back when he was a skinny, geeky, big-eared dreamer—she didn’t foresee the future as turning out to be what it has. But to her that didn’t matter, she was in love with a man. Now how many of you chicas would do the same?

We are so much fashioned in a world where the FAST LIFEhas been ingrained in our culture (and by that I mean Black Culture, especially). We see sports figures, entertainers, actors/actresses, models and we think, Hmmm….if only I could get with one of them. But what about the quiet, determined young man who might not make $5.4 million right out of high school or college—but that doesn’t mean he won’t make that and more?

It all goes down to standards and what we dream of having for our future. Now by no means am I saying that you should lower your standards. But I think we all should take a long, hard look at what we deem important in a potential mate. We could be passing up on some GREAT men because of what our past standards have been.

I ain’t gonna lie. I used to be a staunch “I’m only talking to dark-skinned men who are at least 6’3 with an athletic build”. And I mean light brights didn’t have a chance with me. But over the past few years, I’ve let that go as I have run into a lot of great men who were nowhere near my category. And it made me realize that by setting that standard for myself, I was leaving out so many great potentials. While I do still believe in having to be physically attracted to someone, the outside package is not so much as a concern for me as the brain is. I’m now so in love with sexy brains, it ain’t even crazy. Especially a man who is passionate about what he does, “wooo” don’t even get me started.

But I was sent this articleby a male friend, in lieu of a conversation we had a few nights ago. And I thought it was pretty interesting. It basically talks about the Obamas, and how Michelle was down for Barack before he was our cool ass President.

So V&Mers, tell us what you think? Ladies, would you have given our President Obama a second look back in the day—be honest? Fellas, you can weigh in too–do you feel you might have been overlooked by some thirsty broads?

Let’s chat!

32 Flavors & Then Sum

Many individuals from my generation are at a precipice in their lives – milling over who they are and whom they will become. On one episode of Oprah, she said she’d never want to go through these years again because they were the hardest of her life. And I can appreciate that, but I can also appreciate the constant opportunity for growth and reflection. I don’t seriously fu<% with people who don’t reflect on their lives. I might have casual conversation with you and I might even hang out with you, but when it gets down to the nitty gritty, you just ain’t my typa dude or chick. I try to keep the company of people who you can SEE grow and who welcome change.

About two months ago, I was having a semi-deep and thoughtful conversation with one of my friends about life and sh!t. We started discussing music and how a great song can move you or it can define a time in your life. I cry every time I listen to “Sometimes It Snows In April” by Prince. It’s one of my favorite songs, and I’ve maybe listened to it all of 3 times from start to finish, because DD doesn’t like crying. But whenever I’m in a mood for it, I turn it on and turn it up and let what happens happen. If someone’s pissed me off @ work, I might listen to “Me and My Goons” by Plies. Wanna dance? Check out “Strick Machine” by Goldfrapp. Feeling sexy? Check out “The First Taste” by Fiona Apple. Feeling nasty? Private message me, and I’ll put you on some sh!t that’ll make you blush.

And V&M, I know what you’re thinking, is she talking about music again? D@m^. But music is a big part of my life. It’s a driving force and a motivator. Music is not only an emotional and mental stimulus, but it can be a defining element of who you are. The artists you listen to and the concerts you attend can make a statement about you. I started thinking about songs that define me. Artists are people: struggling with the same uncertainty, life decisions and experiences that we regular folk do. Maybe some are adequately equipped financial and an entourage of minions to assist in handling many of those situations, but they still have to face and deal with them. So who is my artist? Alana Davis. And what is my defining song? “32 Flavors” It would be that one.

Video:

Lyrics:
http://www.lyrics.com/index.php/artists/lyric/alana-davis-lyrics-32-flavors-t-1634873

I won’t go into great detail of the who’s and how’s and why’s, but if I had to choose a song this would be the one. I will say my favorite section is “God help you if you are a phoenix and you dare to rise up from ash. A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy while you are just flying past.” This part speaks to how we can tear others down, just for being, themselves.

Eventually, I started polling some of my friends for their songs that they identify with and the results were just as diverse as the individuals I know. The responses ranged from “It’s a Man’s World” by James Brown, to “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd and “My Way” by Frank Sinatra. Some couldn’t give an answer but only an artist like Stevie Wonder or Nat King Cole. And maybe one song or album or artist doesn’t sum up the measure of who you are. But if one did, what would it be? And so I ask you, what’s your song?

Corporate Thuggin’ (Pret-a-Poor-Taste)

Mac T, I’m glad you brought it to the fashion tip ‘cause you know that’s my sh!t! And I have something clothing related I’d like to address. Young Jeezy, is the truth. Hate him or love him, that’s my nicca. Matter of fact, his joint Corporate Thuggin’ is my theme song. I launch into it every morning as I get ready for work. I’ve worked damn hard to get where I am, and I’m madd niggerish with my grind on the daily. And granted every day, I’m not Oprah Winfrey with it, but I do try to look nice and fit the culture of a corporate environment. That said I’m sure you can understand my chagrin when I walk into my 8:00AM meeting a few weeks ago to meet Alfonso. Alfonso is a director level African-American man who has a team of individuals that assist him in running his department. *applause* And he’s kinda sexy with it too. So I sit down with my team as the meeting begins only to realize there is a glare coming from Alfonso’s direction – from his wrist to be exact. DAMN! I’m really wishing I had my stunner shades on right now because he is blinding me with something comparable to this:

So you may say, “what, it’s just a watch DD?” And yes, you’re right. But is it really appropriate for corporate? And this is fresh on the heels of me seeing this flouncing through the cubical aisles on casual Fridays:

So I’m heated in the meeting right now because every time Alfonso turns the page of his financial recap from planning I get blinded in my left-eye like gotdamm. I’d like to walk over and ask him if he can turn down his watch, but I guess THAT would be inappropriate right? Rocawear, G-Unit and most Sean John outfits are probably not work appropriate. No sir. I don’t care if the shirt IS a button-up. I don’t care if it DID cost $100+. And I don’t care if you ARE going to happy hour later. I think Jeezy was using ‘Corporate Thuggin’ loosely – not literally.

And fellas, I don’t want you to think I’m just talking about you. I’ve coined a phrase for ladies in Corporate America that dress inappropriately. I call them “Corp-a-Hoes”. And a corp-a-hoe is not necessarily someone using her ASSets to get ahead. She can just be someone who seems to think that Baby Phat and Victoria Secrets are appropriate places to get your work-wear. No ma’am.

If you’re a manager, your team is NOT your goons and you are not pushing financial statements like weight. Your secretary is not one of your tricks and you are not a pimp. Well, at least from the hours of 9-5 Monday-Friday you’re not. Okay? Ladies, let’s not wear our ‘get a man’ dress to work or our stilettos with the chains. So, next time you ride out to the mall thinking “Not a day go by, that I ain’t high. Hit the mall every day, nicca I stay fly. 26 inches, yeah I’m sittin’ up high. And I’mma keep it hood, homie that’s no lie.” Think of DD and ask yourself is this work appropriate?

Aaaah...That's Refreshingly Appropriate

Casual Friday Anyone

Change Clothes

Could it be I stayed away too long???  Did you miss these blogs while I was gone??

Stacy...You sexy beast, you!!

 

If you’ve seen the movie Paid In Full, there’s a scene  I love where the lowly drycleaner Ace returns some drug money he found while doing the local Latin hustlers laundry.  I can’t remember it verbatim, but I think it goes something like this:

Ace: What do you do?  You dress nice…

Papi: Your friends, they dress nice too, no?

Ace: But you dress nice nice.

Part of living the Macaroni Tony lifestyle is dressing the part.  You have to be ever vigilant with your style because you never know who might be watching.  You could be caught slipping on a run to the store with those hooping shorts from high school on, and BAM! – some fine filet walks past and wonders if that was you with the squeegee and Windex at the intersection.  

To me, dressing is like math.  I’m constantly thinking about color palettes, patterns, cuts, and accessories to come up with the best equation for a great ensemble.  I’m reading GQ, Details, and Esquire each month without fail to get a sense of where style is headed and for inspiration.  However, when it all comes together, it’s effortless.  Of course, the “Wow, you look nice” comments are great – but I get more personal satisfaction that I have conquered the basic premise of style: bridging the gap between how you view yourself and how you want the world to see you.

That brings me to my next point and the crux of this particular blog.  They say that people are attracted to their opposites because they see something in them that they don’t see in themselves.  Since for me, style is a means of expression and something I enjoy – I attract a lot of “Plain Janes”.  Ironically, one of my biggest pet peeves is a non-dressing woman.  Its like popcorn and steak, snow in June, Asian chicks with asses – the shit just don’t go together.

I’ve had my share of women for whom how they dressed was an afterthought.  I had one girlfriend who despite a great lower frame – was totally committed to boot cut jeans…in 2008!  On a double date with a homie for New Years once, his date came out with a horrendous outfit – some kind of cat suit, toga thing and I think we were all embarrassed to be seen with her.  If my boy wasn’t trying to get laid that night, I’d have taken her to the mall myself. 

One of my favorite shows is TLC’s What Not to Wear because of Stacy London who is near the top of my “White Chicks Who Could Get It” list. There are a number of women who are more aesthetically attractive – but her style is impeccable and exudes a certain sexiness and sophistication.  Even Jigga has extolled the virtue of a woman with a mean “shoe game”.  This just goes to show for women who don’t have all the physical tools, that if you clean up nice, your stock can rise considerably higher.

I may be coming off harsh and shallow, but that’s how I feel dammit.  I see it like this: if you’re with someone you’re representing them, so you want to put your best foot forward.  If we’re on a date and I’m suited and booted and you’re looking like the clearance rack at Dress Barn, the shit don’t work and it’ll be clear as day.  We’ve all seen some bird chested brothers rocking wife beaters in public or some pot bellied cat unapologetically shirtless at the beach, so I understand that women are more body conscious than men and this affects their fashion choices. But I’m a firm believer that when you look good, you feel good and that’s what attracts people.  You don’t have to have a closet full of Valentino and Louboutins to look good, just show that you put some thought into what you put on and that it reflects your personality.

So loyal readers of V&M, are you fashion forward and your S.O. is still rocking leather patch jeans or has a charge account at Rainbow?  Or are you on the other side of the aisle and not really caring what you put on?  How do you handle it if you both have different style outlooks? Or do you just go out bammafied together? I’ve got back issues of GQ and Vogue on deck for the intervention…Mac Tone is here to help.

Death by Text Message

They are dying. Everywhere your turn, they are dying – in the office, in the club, on the streets and in your home. And you murdered them. Some have met their maker before they even began. What am I talking about? I speak of the ever elusive and increasingly defunct ideas of relationship and communication. And each and every one of us are choosing our respective poisons be it text message, picture message or the dreaded multi-media message. I Googled ‘letter writing help’ and received 21,500,000 results. I Googled ‘text messaging help’ and received 138,000,000 results. Tragic. I curse the Apple I-Phone and the Blackberry Storm. Why you might ask? They are enablers. I think there are four main areas where this new fangled ‘communication’ is going to jack us all. Let me explain:

Language Arts
Letter writing and verbal communication are on life-support. What the fish sticks is LOL? Or even worse LMAO? Or even worser ROFLMAO? I’ve never uttered the phrase laughing-out-loud in my life. But I’ve typed it Lawd knows how many times. And people actually understand what I mean. And if you don’t understand, Lingo 2 Word apparently has you covered. I’ve received some horrific emails and held some uncomfortable conversations recently, and I attribute them all to peoples’ lack of, well, people skills and vocabulary.

Swagger-Guise
Geeks and weirdos magically become Don Juans via sms messages. They don’t need a shot of Patron to garner some self-confidence. Naw, ‘cause good ole sms is gonna bail them out. They hop up out the beeeed, turn their phone on took a look at the screen and text ‘what’s up’. Since when did sending a picture message of Ronald McDonald smashing Wendy become cool? If you watched this sh!t on your computer at home, people would likely check The National Sex Offender Registry for your name. I ask, why are you forwarding it to all the people in your address book, including your super/director/boss and/or mama? But, it’s via text, so instead you’re one of the ‘cool’ kids? In sms world, someone can send a “What’s up for the weekend”, and they can send it without abandonment. Because if you don’t receive a response it’s simply lost in the text message black hole and he or she is still as cool as ever – unscathed by the silence on the other end of an ACTUAL phone call.

Time Frames
What is your full given name? Who the fudge is Carlos from [insert location here]? Or Nikki from last night? And let’s answer an even better question. Why are they text messaging me about their plans for the weekend? Because you have my number and know I can receive text messages does NOT make us ‘text buddies’. If we just met yesterday, a ‘can I touch your booty’ over text is no less offensive than a ‘can I touch your booty’ whispered in my ear. Nicca, YOU DON’T KNOW ME!

Context Clues and Sh!t
I’m sure somewhere *shaking my head* someone has sent you a text message where the context clues of a personal conversation could have saved you some heartache and/or embarrassment. See, when you use a rich form of communication you can pickup on subtle nuances like vocal inflection, facial expressions, body language and attentiveness. In a text message, ‘Will you marry me?’ *condescending* looks and feels the same as ‘Will you marry me?’ *sincere* – leaving you second-guessing your pending nuptuals. And that is NOT okay.

I’ve decided that if I haven’t known you longer than a month, we ain’t text messaging all our communication(s). And if you don’t like that, you can KMA! TTYL!

Do You Stanky Leg or Do You Humpty Dance?

I’d like to think I’m one of those open-minded individuals that can appreciate a wide variety of things. One of those things is definitely music. I’ve deemed myself a music “pig”. Just like pigs eat anything, I’ll basically listen to anything – essentially, I have extremely eclectic musical tastes and interests. That being said, Prince, who is my all-time favorite artist, released his latest endeavor “LotusFlow3r” last week. I haven’t copped it just yet, but of course I will be adding it to my collection. But I have sampled the tracks, and am impressed as usual. The album owns his normal trademarks, thoughtful and cocky lyrics and beats so funky they stank. Anything less would be an artist like, oh, I don’t know, Justin Timberlake. And yes, I am still bitter.

A few days ago, in honor of LotusFlow3r’s pending release and due to my barely managed excitement, I poured a glass of wine and reveled in some of his artistry. Matter of fact, I created a playlist on Imeem, if you want to checkout some of my favorite jams. But as I listened and enjoyed the music, I just kept thinking to myself, “Back in the days when I was young I’m not a kid anymore. But some days I sit and wish I was a kid again.” Simply to say, music is changing and I missed his signature songs and style highlighting just how real and funky music can be. Prince has even been rumored to answer questions about the album’s release with comments like “I was tired of waiting on Sade to release a new album”. Simply to say, he felt the world was missing some quality creativity on the music scene. With the advent of artists like Soulja Boy and GS Boyz, it’s obvious music has changed. But is the Stanky Leg really that much different than the Humpty Dance by Digital Underground? Okay, maybe I’m dating myself a little, but I’m an 80’s baby, and I was a fan of The Humpty. But seriously, The Humpty? In verse one of the Humpty dance Humpty Hump proclaims “Just let me introduce myself, my name is Humpty, pronounced with an Umpty, yo ladies, oh how I like to funk thee“. Now is the aforementioned really any different than “If you a ace boon coon chick, you can do it too, snap your fingers in the air and shake yo micros too“? You tell me:

The Humpty Dance by Digital Underground

The Stanky Leg by GS Boyz

I wasn’t ashamed to do the humpty dance in the 80’s and I’m not ashamed to stand on the podium and profess that I do the stanky leg when I go out in 2009! There are always going to be the nonsensical club tracks that are created to make you dance and/or laugh at the foolishness. I think sometimes as adults, we like to judge today’s muscial artists but we have all listened to some suspect music in our lives, and enjoyed it. That’s the beauty of music and expression, there is a song for EVERY mood, and sometimes, I just want to be silly. So maybe I’ll save artists like Prince, A Keys and Anthony Hamilton for those reflective moments in my life, and I’ll ‘walk it out’ and ’swag surf’ on the weekends. What about you? Do you ’superman dem hoes’ when you think no one is watching?

*DD Exits*
*Watch me hit my birdwalk, watch me doooooo it! YUAH!*

SWIIIIIITCH!

On the way home today from a meeting, Idecided to dust off my Jazmine Sullivan CD and sing to my heart’s content–much to the dismay of the other drivers, lol. Anyway, I rekindled my jam she has called “Switch”. Basically in the song Jazzy (yeah we’re that cool so I can call her that, lmao) met this guy and is going on a double date with her bff and his bff. But mid-dinner, she realizes that she likes HIS bff more than her actual date. Hence the lyrics:

I met him at the bookstore
He said he’d like to get to know me just a little more
ask me to dinner
I said i’ll bring my girlfriend
he said thats cool cause he was gonna bring his best friend
but something happened that i wasn’t expectin
his best friend all night had my attention

Knew it was wrong
but I couldn’t help it
and I don’t care
I’m being selfish
Know what i want and i want your best friend
aint gonna front uh uh
i want your best friend

I’ve always thought that song was hella funny, of course not to the people put in that situation. Then I was watching Harlem Heights on BET later on (yes I’m addicted to reality tv, but BET finally did good with this one) and watched last week’s episode when ex-friends Ashley and Brooke were basically put in this same situation with smooth talking Christian. Here’s photographic evidence of Brooke and Christian before their “faded” kiss as they called it. To get you up to speed Christian and Ashley have been on multiple dates and were chilin, and Brooke and Christian have always been “just friends”. Mmm hmm *smirks at pic*.

So after hearing the song and then watching this episode–it got me to thinking, dang how common is it? I’ve never, so far, met someone and then his friend and been like “Shit, I really like the other guy”. But have you? And in Jazmine Sullivan’s song she goes on to basically say you can talk to my friend I don’t care, there’s no attachment—-REALLY NOW? 

With the song I was like, Ok this girl is just acting crazy. Then with the same issue on the show now I”m thinking well dang I guess it is rampant. But honestly when you think about it, the pool of available, acceptable and good black men and women is kind of sparse especially for those who are on the upwardly mobile path. Many people don’t want to settle and why try and find someone totally new, when there is someone you might have similar interests with who might be sitting right next to you just now. But that person just so happened to have gone on a few dates with a friend of yours. And although they’re not dating or maybe not serious–what are you to do? I definitely believe in the unspoken rule of “hands off” no matter what.

But as we get older, that seems to take on more amendments like “Well you guys only went on two dates and you said you weren’t interested in him/her”–so is it okay then? I’m just posing these questions, I don’t claim to have the answers myself–because honestly I have no clue myself. I’ve never been in that situation.

you see baby
it really aint a big deal
i mean you a nice guy and all
but…
if i met him when i met you
he probably would a got the phone call

dont make no sense
to leave with the wrong guy
if ya best friend
could be the love of my life

So share V&Mers…..how would you handle that situation if you like your date’s bff? Or if your date told you he/she liked your friend more? LET’S SHARE!